Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
