it wasn't lemon gatorade
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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