the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
