he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
