you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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