Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
