I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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