She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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