First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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