$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
