Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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