Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
