Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
