I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
