I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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