Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
