Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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