I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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