just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
