The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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