a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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