i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
