Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
