Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
