Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
