sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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