I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
