So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
