In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
