I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
