Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
