It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
