It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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