hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
