i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just cropdusted the office
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
