I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
love makes seman taste better
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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