one two three fourrrrnication!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
