Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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