I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
