you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize