never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
