Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
