i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
