Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
