you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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