How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
