And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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