I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
