His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
foreskin is a definite game changer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
