the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
