So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
