My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
