We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
