I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
