dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
