he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
