I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
