Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
