Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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