just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
