Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
