It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
