I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
whose parrot is this?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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