i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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