At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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