You just made me feel so damn special
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
