best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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