I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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