therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
