come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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