I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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