dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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