so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
