I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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