I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
