I'm going to jail i love you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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