made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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