You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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