We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NoShamevember. You game?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
