im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Found the puke drawer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
