I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
