I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
