If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
