i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
